week 24

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Zaterdagmiddag wandelde ik even bij Daan Nijman binnen. Het was er – zoals eigenlijk altijd- druk. Een man – niet Cees Koelewijn- vroeg naar vogelgidsen. Tot mijn niet geringe verbazing waren die te kust en te keur aanwezig. Ik kocht het boek Gijp, waarvan er na een week of twee al 60.000 verkocht waren. Het boekje – met nogal grote letters- kostte 19,95 euro. Vier uur later was het boek uit. Zo’n vijf euro per uur dus. Maar het was het allemaal waard. Iets nieuws staat er overigens niet in het boek, als altijd fantastisch geschreven door Michel van Egmond, wat mij betreft de beste sportschrijver van Nederland. Het geeft echter wel een aardig inkijkje in het leven van Van der Gijp. De voormalige rechterspits is een bijzonder man zo bleek. Ga maar na:

– Hij heeft wel een vriendin, maar die woont drie straten verderop, met zoontje.

– Van der Gijp ligt driekwart van de dag horizontaal op de bank.

– Gemiddeld kijkt hij zo’n twintig voetbalwedstrijden per week.

– Van der Gijp trekt alle dagen wat baantjes in zijn eigen (verwarmde) zwembad, of gaat in zijn eigen sauna zitten.

– Van der Gijp is neurotisch. Elke kopje wordt na leeg gedronken te zijn meteen afgewassen. Alles moet recht staan, papieren worden per dag zo’n veertig keer opnieuw opgestapeld. Kaarsrecht. Zonder vouw.

– Van der Gijp vertelt al jaren – gemiddeld drie keer per week- hetzelfde verhaal in theaters, kantines en bij bedrijven. Voor zo’n 4000 euro per avond.

– Van der Gijp laat zich naar die lezingen brengen door een vrouw. Hij noemt haar steevast zijn nichtje.

– Datzelfde nichtje legt pal voor hij VI Oranje gaat doen, de vast fluorescerende onderbroeken van Gijp in de kast van het hotel in Scheveningen. Kleur bij kleur. Uiteraard kaarsrecht.

– Van der Gijp is het liefst alleen. Is hij niemand tot last.

– Gemiddeld gaat hij rond een uurtje of vier ’s nachts op bed. Pas echter nadat hij de herhalingen van DWDD, Pauw en Witteman en Boulevard heeft gezien.

– Van der Gijp zet nooit de wekker.

We zouden allemaal wel Van der Gijp willen zijn. Ik bedoel, bij mij – en bij ongetwijfeld veel meer mensen- gaat de wekker elke dag om zes uur. Ik wil ook wel een eigen zwembad, en niet zo’n opblaasbare van de Vrijbuiter, En ach, dat toespreken van mensen in kantines kan nooit zo moeilijk zijn. En ook zo’n gratis suite in het Kurhaus sloeg ik niet af. Er is echter maar een Van der Gijp. De man is uniek. Unieker dan wie dan ook in de wereld. In elk geval specialer dan Ibrahim – ‘duimpje’- Afellay en Jack van Gelder.

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