Maria’s Mooie Mensen 15”16

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Vroeger was het al een welbekend probleem bij mij: een prop in mijn oor. Gingen beste vriendin en ik vol enthousiasme het waterpretpark in, dan kon je er vergif op innemen dat ik na de eerste heftige glijbaan direct stokdoof was aan in elk geval één kant. Ieder mens heeft zo zijn manco’s; dit is er zeker één van mij. Na een laatste akkefietje waarbij zelfs mijn evenwichtsorgaan begon te protesteren, besloot ik eieren voor mijn geld te kiezen en me gewoon simpelweg elk half jaar bij de huisarts te melden om preventief mijn oren te laten uitspuiten. Geheel volgens planning meldde ik me een dikke anderhalve maand geleden. Toen was ik nog niet overdadig dik van de tweeling en was ik al wel zover in mijn zwangerschap dat ik niet hoefde te vrezen voor een prop in mijn oor tijdens de bevalling. Maar dit keer was ik niet tevreden over het karweitje en klaagde ik al snel alsnog tegen manlief dat ik het gevoel had dat het niet goed was gedaan. Afgelopen twee weken kreeg ik de rekening gepresenteerd. Het ‘wát?’-niveau was weer hoog in huis; mijn oor zat weer dicht. De ijdele hoop dat het wel beter zou worden, bleek net als anders een wassen neus en dus toog ik afgelopen week maar weer naar de huisarts. Ditmaal met al achttien kilo in mijn buik, met nachten waarin ik vier moest plassen achter de rug en dus een wat korter lontje. Uiteraard waren alle parkeerplaatsen dichtbij de ingang bezet. Mopperend reed ik door om het pand heen en moest ik na het parkeren dezelfde tocht per voet weer maken om bij de ingang te komen. Mijn tas, besloot ik, ging ik niet meeslepen. Ik had al genoeg mee te slepen zonder extra ballast. Bovendien: het was uitspuiten en weer aftaaien. Dacht ik dus. Want het bleek dat ik tóch wel goed uitgespoten was die anderhalve maand eerder, maar dat een volhardende verkoudheid ervoor zorgde dat ik een prop aan de andere kant had ontwikkeld. Wat dat precies inhield, heb ik maar niet gevraagd, het enige wat mij nog boeide was: hóe kom ik hier vanaf. Het scheen met een simpele neusspray, die ik gelukkig zo op weg naar buiten bij de apotheek kon meenemen. Leek me geen onmogelijke opgave, waarbij ik even geen rekening had gehouden met de klantvriendelijkheid die de apothekers helaas altijd ontberen. Eerst al stond ik slechts tien minuten aan de balie. Mevrouw zag mij wel, maar was nog bezig en ik durfde me natuurlijk dan ook al voor het gepland medicijn-haal-uurtje om half vier ’s middags aan deze balie te wagen, dus ik kon wel even wachten. Tuurlijk met twee baby’s in je buik sta je heerlijk. Eenmaal aan de beurt bleek de spray gewoon voor het grijpen, maar was er nog één dingetje: mijn portemonnee lag nog in de auto. Een nota sturen was géén optie, werd me meegedeeld. Ook ik hield voet bij stuk: de wandeling terug was voor mij géén optie. ‘Ik ben verdorie hoogzwanger’ ontglipte mij. Opeens viel mevrouw stil en wierp een blik op mijn buik. ‘Hoe ver ben je dan’ vroeg ze ook nog ter controle. Toen ik meldde dat ik nog maar vijf weken moest, maar dan wel van een tweeling, viel ze pas echt stil. En hoera: de nooduitgang kon wel even open, dan hoefde ik niet helemaal om het pand heen. Eenmaal terug mét portomonee hoorde ik waar deze hele strijd om te doen was geweest. ‘Dat is dan drie euro alstublieft’.

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